so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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