omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
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