that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
