is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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