Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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