So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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