Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
