whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Randomize
