I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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