dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
