note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
