can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
