I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
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I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
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You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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