i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
