So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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