I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
