I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
