Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
