DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
