You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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