Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
This house was built for laser tag.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
