Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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