Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
