highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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