i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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