Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
