No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
