Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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