I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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