Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
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