How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
