Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
