my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize