You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
