Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
