Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
You can't special order awesome
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
