If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
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We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
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Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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