I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
