How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So vagazzling was a success
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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