He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
