thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
this is an emotional support booty call
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
