It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
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damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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