is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Randomize
