I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
