Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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