I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
