he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
