i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
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Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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