I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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