I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
