:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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