he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
