Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
