they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
