it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
