i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
