if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i wish my penis had a tongue
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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