3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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