I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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