Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
